how it came about.

I want to share with you how my internship in Guatemala came about. Last year I was supposed to travel to San Pedro Sula, Honduras to love on the orphans there in Nueva Esparenza orphanage. I was in Anaheim, California when I saw on the news that the president of Honduras was exiled from the country. When I arrived back home and found out that my trip had been postponed for a year, I was devastated. The following weeks were very hard for me. I didn’t understand why God would take something away from me that I wanted so badly. I couldn’t understand why He would allow my heart to break. After a time of wrestling with God and Him breaking me, He sweetly showed me that He has a purpose in permitting heartbreak. God broke my heart that I may be shaped into the likeness of Christ, that I may learn to trust Him, that I may learn to obey Him, that I may bear fruit, and that I may reach spiritual maturity. I read Romans 5:3-5 over and over again- “We also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured our within our hearts through the Holy Spirit that was given to us.”

So… after a year of growth, I was so excited to finally go on my trip. After emailing the people at Buckner (the organization I am interning for) they asked me if I would want to intern with them for a month, rather than serve in Honduras for a week. Buckner gave me the decision to intern in Peru or Guatemala. I prayed hard over the decision. How do you choose between two places that are in such great need? When I prayed for the people of Peru my heart got filled with excitement and eagerness, but when I prayed for the people of Guatemala my heart broke and I became filled with grief and hurt for their situation. It was with much prayer and fasting that I made the decision to travel to Guatemala this summer.

As May 27^th gets closer I find myself with all different types of emotions. I am so excited to pour every ounce of love I have into the lives of these beautiful children. I am excited to serve and to learn. But… my fears and nervousness seem to be overshadowing my excitement. I am still so confused at why God would choose me for this amazing opportunity. I have not done anything worthy of this blessing. When I find myself getting nervous and anxious, it is Isaiah 41:22- “Do not fear for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” that I am trying to hide in my heart. I have to not only know but I have to believe wholeheartedly that despite my inadequacy, Christ can and will accomplish His plan using me.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” –Joshua 1:9