questions and answers.

on saturday night we got to skype with our precious parents. one thing i am thankful for is having my computer with me this summer. i didn't have it last summer and that was wonderful. it was so good. it was good for me to be on a journey by myself. i needed that time alone. this year is different. i am going to be gone for ten and a half weeks rather than four and it's so nice to be able to share things with those who love me as they happen rather than bottle it up for ten weeks and then let it out all at once. i am sure there are things i will miss and have to share with them when i return but for the most part they are getting to hear my challenges, my struggles, my triumphs and all the Lord is teaching me. i tell you all that to tell you this, when we were skyping on saturday my parents asked me some questions... "what are some challenges you've faced? is there anything that has broken your heart? and what is something the Lord is teaching you?" i told you when i started this journey back in march that i wanted to be vulnerable. i wanted to be honest with you. so... i want to share my answers with you. 

so... challenges. teaching english has been wonderful but it has definitely been a challenge and will continue to be as we get further into the class. i feel very adequate to teach random useful vocabulary. i know vocabulary. it is conversation that intimidates me so much. i have no clue how to teach english as a language. i do a pretty good job of hiding my insecurities, but every time i get up in front of our 25+ students, my heart races and i get so nervous. pray for me as we begin week two. pray for my nerves. pray that sarah and i would work well together trying our best to teach these people english. pray they would learn at least a little bit. another challenge we are beginning to face is with the children at casitas kennedy. last week there were two groups that came in, one on thursday and one on friday. the group on thursday brought cotton candy and popcorn and toys for the children. the other group brought toys and gifts to leave at the orphanage. these teams came in for one day (which it is wonderful that they came to love on the kids) but won't be coming back due to doing other work in the city. the kids, all ages, are now asking us "where are our gifts?" because they got gifts from these teams, they expect gifts from us. i told my sweet kenya when she asked me where her gift was that we were her gift. i told her we weren't here to give them physical gifts (we will leave all of our chalk and coloring books etc when we leave) but we were here to love them for a month and to share with them the love of Christ and play with them and teach them. pray for their hearts and mine. pray that i wouldn't get frustrated when they bombard me asking for gifts but give them the best gift they could ever receive, the love of our Father. 

“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” - Isaiah 48:1 

next... my broken heart. i told mom and dad, i think that anytime you go into an orphanage your heart breaks. each child has a different story. each child has been in the center a different amount of time. though their stories may be different, one thing is the same... they are without parents. some for only a short time, some for the rest of their lives. i learned something new on saturday about some of the kids in the center. caitlin and i were working with the toddlers (they're precious) and i asked the worker where yanie was. yanie is a precious three year old little girl with a short little haircut, lighter skin and the deepest brown eyes you've ever seen. the nanny then told us that the toddlers in casitas kennedy are most likely there because their parents are fighting for custody. this usually means that the parents were negligent, abusive or found unfit. if the parents win, the children go back home with them. if they lose, the children are sent to a different center permanently. yanie's parents lost and she was transferred. this breaks my heart. another thing that breaks my heart are the special needs children in the orphanage. on saturday i held a little girl named erika for an hour. erika has sever cp and as a baby had the oxygen supply to her brain cut off. erika had braces on her legs to keep them straight but she will never be able to walk or stand up. she is completely non-verbal but oh how she smiles. another little girl named jessi (pronounced yessi) came and sat beside us and began to sing a song. erika flung her hands in the air the best she could and began to smile. i want her so badly to know love. to be loved. i got to play with erika again today and she was so precious. she was wide awake and laughing today and it melted my heart. i found out today that erika is nine and she has been at the orphanage since she was born. her mother died. i want for her so badly to be adopted. (she is adoptable!!!) i prayed that for her as i sang the itsy bitsy spider and Jesus me ama to her. the nannies do the best they can but the special needs children don't get very much physical contact or stimulation. i am so glad that we are going to be able to help the nannies. they love these children so much. pray for these girls along with the other children. pray that they will know the love of our heavenly Father. 

“learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring  justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause" Isaiah 1:17

finally... what i am learning most. i am learning so much from the volunteers we teach at the CTC. we have not had very much time to talk in depth about their lives because we teach english the whole time we are there, but that has not stopped them from teaching me so much. they are teaching me about service. they are teaching me about humility. they are teaching me about love and selflessness and how the two have to coexist. you cannot have love where selfishness exist. in this they are teaching me what real, true love is. the volunteers we are teaching english to live in the very place that the community transformation center ministers to and yet they are pouring their lives out for the sake of others. they give up two and a half hours each day to come and learn english. they are respectful. they are interested. they are polite. they are funny. they serve so well and with such humble hearts. i could never fit everything they have taught me into one blog post so i'll give you the meat of it. God is using them to teach me mostly about love. self-giving love, love that demands something of us, that is completely selfless in nature and concerned for others much more than ourselves. i am learning that love is not a feeling but a determined act of will and that determined act of will, will always result in determined acts of selflessness.  one of the ultimate examples of this love is in john 13 when Jesus is washing the disciples feet. here He is knowing that he is about to bear the sin of the whole world on the cross and he is totally consumed with his love for his disciples. His love is so selfless and so full of humility. love is this... it is willing, the joyful desire to put the welfare of others above our own. it leaves no place for pride, vanity, arrogance, self-seeking or self-glory. this is just a little bit of what i am learning. i am amazed at what the Lord has to teach me and the means in which he is doing it. praise Him who is faithful.

“for i have given you an example, that you also should do as i have done to you." -john 13:15

i'll leave you with a few pictures. :)

this is a picture of comayagüela. where buckner's ctc is located.

this is ernesto... i am  usually working on a bracelet when i walk into class and during our break. ernesto makes beautiful bracelets that are different than mine. so i made him one and he made me one. 

some of our favorite students: jayson, guillermo, ernesto, nelson, daniel, william, angel, harvey and celestino. :) 

the director of the CTC. she is precious.

this is our neighbor. 

walking back to our apartment from the bowling alley. we're pretty much locals. 

i'm sad this is kind of blurry... but this is us with native honduran dancers from the beaches of honduras. please notice the hand placement of the man holding sarah and caitlin. best thing ever! 

luis and i working off lunch doing mambo number 5 on just dance. thanks karla for bringing your wii. :) mom and dad we HAVE TO get this song on just dance. it's the best duet EVER.